The Cure for the 6 Species of Office Jerk!

Every office has a jerk and if you don’t know who it is… it might be you. Come on – just kidding. This week, we wanted to keep it light with a little office humor. You know what they say about laughter, don’t you? It is the best medicine and it is also the thing that keeps you from storming out, foolishly quitting your job and moving out into the wilderness to eat beans out of cans. There will be no bean eating out of cans on our watch. For your reading pleasure, here are the six species of jerk that you will find in every office…

The Germ-Sharing Jerk

You know that person… you know them well. They would come to work even with the Black Plague and when they got there – they would need to use your phone line. They would also need to touch your computer, borrow your White-Out and breathe into your coffee. The germ-sharing jerk is very proud of themselves for being at work while nursing five broken bones, an abscessed tooth and Ebola. Hardcore germ-sharing jerk… we have to admit – your stick-to-it-iveness is impressing the heck out of us but we still don’t want your kooties… so stay home.

The Talks-Too-Much Jerk

You are busy. You are REALLY busy. They could have zero cares to give. They need to tell you something important and they do not give you the Cliff Notes edition. You get the 30 minute version because that is just how the talker rolls. Please be advised that the talker has a way of knowing when are not in the mood to talk AT ALL… and this is when they are at their most effective level of annoying… and we do mean annoying.

The Jerk-Whose-Problems-Are-Bigger-Than-Yours Jerk

If you have the flu… he has the swine flu. If you have a cold… he has a cold on top of cold-sores. If you have a dog with allergies… he has a dog who is allergic to itself. This office jerk is the guy you want to punch a little – but don’t simply because there is not enough petty cash for bail money this week.

The Jerk-Who-Never-Fills-the-Coffee-Pot

Your meeting went terrible. You slept about 2 hours in total thanks to your neighbor’s loud party and you need coffee and you need it fast. But surprise-surprise. There is no coffee. You know who took the last cup and you know they didn’t fill it back up because obviously that would break the space-time continuum, sucking the entire office into a black hole that leads to the 9th circle of hell.

The IT Jerk

Oh, those IT jerks. They love to laugh at the rest of us because we cannot figure out how to sync our Outlooks to our smartphones or create a password that consists of nothing but numerical, coded gibberish that even Einstein would need Ginko-Bolobia to remember. Just keep laughing, IT jerk. Just keep laughing… karma sees what you did and it is sending over the talker. We hope its a long, long story and we hope it involves butt rashes.

The Steals-Your-Thunder Jerk

You laid out a great presentation. You stayed up all night to get the Powerpoint slides to look just right. You even reminded yourself that adding unicorn sound effects was inappropriate for grown-up meetings so you took it out… that made you proud and that was incredibly hard because you love unicorn sounds, dang it. But… lo and behold. Here comes that jerk that always steals your thunder and not only claims he helped with the whole thing but smirks at you for your use of Times New Roman when clearly the right font was Serif. Oh, it’s on, jerk. Just wait… you will not be getting your yearly Christmas cookie bag. You’re dead to me.

We all have our quirks but working with a couple jerks is no big deal when your office makes you happy. VMI Office Solutions can do just that. By presenting the best possible work space for your employees, you can make even the biggest jerks into some really productive, nice, leadership-worthy people. That and a raise here and there… but whose counting?

Contact us to find out how we can help you redefine the office experience and create a happy haven where it is almost impossible to be a jerk… almost.